Breaking on through to the other side June 24, 1985

 

So, I was wrong. Maybe the letter or even the note scored more points with Louise than I thought they would.

In years past – during those terrible times after she left in 1972 – I desperately tried to influence her with my letters (and it rarely worked the way I anticipated.) I threatened, pleaded, begged, cried, cursed, battered her with words, only for her to react nearly opposite of the way I planned, each time losing that part of the battle I desperately needed to win.

In those years in the aftermath of my breakup with Louise, I wrote desperate letters, followed up by equally desperate phone calls, hoping I could influence her to love me again.

There was always this calculation that if I say this, she will do that, and will somehow miraculously come to see my point of view.

I have since seen other men do the same, and come to realize the futility of it, most recently when Danny tried to persuade Mary Ann not to marry Johnny and to marry him instead.

Hank did similar kinds of things when he was pleading with Cynthia not to break up, even recording musical montages with themes he thought she would get and might sway her.

Pauly did the same thing recently with Jessica, hoping to make her feel guilty (something I suspect is an impossible task since she does not feel guilt or pity or any other of the common emotions we might expect). And even if it had worked, she most likely would have hated him more for it. People don’t like to feel guilty.

Since then, I have avoided efforts to make Louise “feel” and tried to appeal to her reason, stating my case with her as matter-of-factly as possible in letters or phone calls, not so much trying to make her feel what I feel, but to make clear what our situation is and why I need her to be less angry.

Unfortunately, until recently, she read these efforts in the same way she did those letters of the distant past, with suspicion and rage, claiming I’m being sarcastic when I was being honest.

Yet when she got back to me this time, after my note, she seemed less hostile, suggesting maybe the thread has not been torn and there is still hope.

The future remains vague, but maybe, just maybe, she got the point.



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