The man in the middle April 24, 1985
Cloudy, cool, Wednesday
It is hardly the end of the world although for Pauly it seems
like it is.
For most of the time I’ve known him, Pauly seemed remote, keeping
free of the apparent entanglements the rest of us have suffered through.
Then, at age 36 – going on 37 – he leaps into love with both
feet, and he’s gotten in way over his head so as to nearly drown.
The whole situation changes so rapidly, I can hardly keep up
with it.
Two weeks ago, he sat here in the kitchen in a panic over
his belief that the woman of his dreams was about to leave him to be with her
ex-lover.
Now, he’s up early like a boy scout, exercising, then rushes
across the river to the Fotomat to meet her as she starts her shift – six whole
hours before he’s supposed to relieve her at 3 p.m. He stands behind her in the
booth, rubbing her shoulders, whispering disgustingly sweet things in her ear.
I’ve seen yoyos that go up and down less than he does.
No man seems so smitten a Pauly does.
If only I could trust the whole situation, trust that when Jessica
permanently abandons him, Pauly will go back to what he was before, or perhaps
the positive aspects of his up cycle would have a permanent impact on his life.
As much as I like Pauly as a friend, I fear he will come out
of all this bitter and perhaps more selfish than ever, and in resentful stage,
he may focus more on himself than ever before.
These acts of kindness and love are so utterly different
from the Pauly I know, I can’t believe he is the same person, and somewhere in
the back of my head, I suspect he needs to act this way to disguise some more primitive
needs none of us previously expected him of having, the lusts we mere mortals
suffered through but we thought Pauly so much above us to endure.
He craves Jessica but has to settle for Jeannette or Janean
the way a junkie must accept methadone when he can’t get smack.
He dislikes the substitution, neither of which has anything
for him.
“I have to watch myself around those two,” he said. “Being
with either one too long can quickly turn into annoyance.”
Six weeks ago, he would have known that automatically, and at
which point he needed to turn it off before he got too close to being involved.
Being a love-sick puppy changes everything, making him reach
out to the wrong people.
He hasn’t yet come to realize just how foolish he sounds,
going on and on about romance and love, with Jeanette and Janean taking advantage
of him, listening attentively as they slowly ease their hooks into him when all
he wants all along is Jessica, who he paints alternative as the sweetest girl
in the universe and a heartless bitch.
This partly because Jessica is the one who gets to choose,
and both men feel desperate and helpless to manipulate her.
Pauly doesn’t know what to say that will make her look good
in her eyes, acting out some imaginary character he assumes she wants when he
hadn’t a clue as to what he is doing or what she really wants.
He tells me he’s over her as we get high in his kitchen, but
I know he isn’t, and know he will suffer a lot when it actually comes to a conclusion,
when she finally decides on her boyfriend, and when Pauly finds no love in the
embrace of Jeannette or Janean.
I wonder what Pauly will do then.?
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