Four years later 01/01/1985


 

            Happy! Happy! Happy!

            It’s the same old shit – Sadie called on New Years Eve to ask where Pauly was playing.

            I’ve been through this trip before, her fascination at being part of the gang, her whispering behind each man’s back with the promise of sex.

            Perhaps she’s just playing the odds, hitting on the pack of us to see if she gets lucky.

            But these days, her calls always haunt me with a feel of desperation, that fat and lonely chick, the ugly duckling that has finally emerged a swan in the midst of men, her self image changing much more slowly, deep inside retaining much of the old self so as to keep her from just settling for one man.

            I remember how bitter she was when speaking about her old lover years ago, and how he would never let her into his group of friends, she calling it “a private men’s club.”

            While he and I had different reasons for breaking up with Sadie, the aftermath is too similar for comfort, and I remember too well that other New Years Eve when the truth finally hit me that she was interested more in Pauly than in me, and I decided not to indulge her by taking her to see Pauly perform, forcing the two of us to kick in the New Year in her parent’s living room, she glaring at me the whole time.

            Perhaps this is why I told her where she could find Pauly when she called last night, or perhaps I knew the gang wanted no part of her – a fact she needed to find out for herself.

            Hank and Garrick always seemed confused when she showed up, not quite able to make out why she insisted on flirting with them. Rick, fortunately, took off for LA for the New Year, although he had a regular excuse for dealing with Sadie: “Tell her I’m in the shower. I’m always in the shower, remember that.”

            Pauly called me this morning to thank me for sending her to Hackettstown; his only warning was Hank’s running into the club shouting. “You won’t believe who I saw in the parking lot…”

            Pauly called it “the perfect practical joke,” although even he might have suspected me of settling an old debt, making up for the last time when I held her back. She showed up just when Pauly was on the make for another woman, and Sadie – startled and upset – fished through the crowd until she found another man with whom she hoped to make Pauly jealous.

            Of course, it didn’t work.

            Pauly was more concerned with Hank who seemed to be hitting on the girl he actually wanted, and so Pauly being Pauly, tried to steer Sadie towards Hank to distract him.

            Hank was no more interested in Sadie than Pauly was, and did his best to keep out of her sight for the rest of the night.

            But she showed up when they were packing, and insisted Pauly come away with her; Pauly said he already had a ride home and went away with Hank.

            Sadie decided to follow them, and Hank being Hank, taking routes through New Jersey only God could keep of, quickly lost her in the western wilds.

            “I think she got the message,” Pauly told me.

            At this point, I actually felt guilty, imagining just how hurt Sadie was, and how lonely she must feel, and how much she missed her chums at college.

            And worse, I realized just how much I miss her.

 



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